A revenge fantasy for people who have trouble tying their shoes without giggling, “John Tucker Must Die” is one of those rare movies that will have you yearning for the comparatively cerebral high school flicks of Eighties-era John Hughes.
In this colossal dud, school jock/stud John Tucker (Jesse Metcalfe from “Desperate Housewives”) gets his comeuppance when a trio of hotties (Arielle Kebbel, Ashanti, Sophia Bush) discovers he’s been three-timing them. But since the bamboozled babes have the collective IQ of cheese, they must enlist the help of a nondescript nice girl (Brittany Snow) to formulate a scheme.
Despite the inherent eye-candy that comes with Hollywood’s sexiest young stars, “John Tucker Must Die” is a comedy that needs to be put out of its misery. Marked by cardboard-cutout characters and warmed-over sitcom fodder, the film is without a single genuine laugh. Hormone-addled preteens might get a kick out of it; everyone else will prefer a kick in the head.