Turns out it’s not the long arm of the law we have to worry about, but “¦ um “¦ other appendages.
A former sheriff turned spa owner in Durant has been charged with sexual battery, according to a report in The Oklahoman. The story says Jon Livingston, one-time sheriff of BryanCounty, has been accused by 11 women of getting a little too handsy while giving them massages at his spa.
One woman, the article states, said the erstwhile lawman attempted to perform oral sex on her at the time. Livingston claims the allegations are “¦ wait for it “¦ untrue.
Regardless, as a public service, Chicken-Fried News offers this clip-and-save guide to determine whether your male masseuse is on the up-and-up. Ask him the following questions:
Do you have a license to perform massages? Do you have a membership in the American Massage Therapy Association? Do you have national certification in massage therapy? Have you ever consumed a bear claw while sitting behind the wheel of a patrol car, hiding under a highway overpass?
If the answer to the last question is “yes,” CFN suggests pulling that sheet tight and feigning a case of flatulence.