Reviewer’s grade: B-
That faux hard-boiled title gives the game away with this thriller starring an all-grown-up Lindsay Lohan as the escaped victim of a serial killer who thinks she’s a tough cookie from Wrongsideofthetracksville, while everyone else thinks she’s a perky young college student from New Salem.
She has to convince grieving parents that she is not the daughter they love while tracking down the torture-killer who whacked off her right hand and leg. Yes, this is one of the most overplotted what-the-f*#% flicks to come down the pike in a dog’s age.
Lohan has that perky stuff down pat, but she’s not too believable as the hard-drinking, smoking, cursing, pole-dancing, screwing-around alter ego. She’s not laughable because she’s giving it all she’s got and you can see that she really wants to be taken seriously in an adult role.
If Jodie Foster could emerge from the miasma of Disney sitcom fluff, maybe Lohan can, too. But this isn’t the vehicle “ or the director “ to do it for her. R