Grand Central Publishing
Dumped: We’ve all been there, guys. And hopefully, you’re at a point in life where you can look back and laugh at that time. “Things I’ve Learned from Women Who’ve Dumped Me” sure will help. This collection of nearly 50 essays rounded up by former “The Daily Show” writer Ben Karlin is mostly hilarious, and now available in paperback.
Comedian Patton Oswalt recalls the drama of dating a stripper (“My dad molested me and my dogs hate you,” she argues). Andy Richter concedes that doughy bodies aren’t exactly the stuff of dreams for the ladies, so “God bless artsy girls and booze!” Neal Pollack pays tribute to a now-deceased love: his cat Gabby … whom he accidentally ejaculated upon during a wet dream.
Stephen Colbert, Bob Odenkirk, Will Forte and Nick Hornby are among the other names contributing to the anthology, but the funniest entry of all comes courtesy of a gay man, alt-weekly columnist Dan Savage, who writes about his early teen years, trying to convince himself despite his genetic makeup that he desired female anatomy. The details are much too crude to reprint “ I’ll simply tease you with phrases like “he was too gentlemanly a statutory rapist” and “only this lasagna had a pulse” “ but had me laughing out loud.