Miss March

2009

“Miss March” may not deserve the “worst movie of 2009″ title it’s saddled with, but it hovers dangerously close. Its stars, writers and directors Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore are part of a sketch comedy series I’ve never seen, “The Whitest Kids U Know,” and this first impression doesn’t endear them for further TV time together.

Kudos to Cregger and Moore for getting the movie made — no easy feat, ever — but one wishes they’d aim higher than the scatological. Cregger (a mix between Chris Evans and Ryan Reynolds) and Moore (Matthew Lillard meets Jim Carrey) play best buds Eugene and Tucker, respectively tame and wild. Eugene and his girlfriend, Cindi (Raquel Alessi), have agreed to lose their virginity on prom night, but he gets drunkenly falls down the stairs instead, ending up in a four-year coma.

When he awakes, only Tucker is by his side. Cindi is in the pages of Playboy magazine. Tucker kidnaps Eugene from the hospital and a road trip ensues —” complete with lesbians and firefighters —” to the Playboy Mansion so love can be rekindled.

And poo can be ejected. I don’t think there’s a bodily fluid not emitted in the running time —” not that such humor can’t be funny, but that’s all there is to it. “Miss March” aims low and stays there. Molly Stanton steals the show (such as it is) as Tucker’s epileptic, jilted girlfriend, but the movie still has only one laugh. A bonus viral video in the extras has double that. —”Rod Lott

Rod Lott

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