Back in December, we Gazette reviewers were asked to predict the worst movies of 2009 and I chose “Hannah Montana: The Movie.” Well, now I’ve seen it and, unlike the falsely humble, I love it when I’m right.
Prepubescent girls, the only audience for which this thing is intended, are said to love horses. “Hannah Montana” comes complete with a horse and the thing that every horse leaves behind, and I don’t mean the pleasure of a good ride.
For those of you who have never cared about this show or character, Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart, a 16-year-old from Crowley Corners, Tenn., who portrays a character named Hannah Montana on a TV show. She is taken care of and guarded from the big bad press by her publicist (Vanessa Williams) and her dad (Billy Ray Cyrus).
Because Hannah is becoming too “L.A.,” Billy Ray drags her back to Hicksville for Gramma Ruby’s birthday. Then Oswald Granger (Peter Gunn), a reporter from a muckraking Brit tabloid, shows up to learn Hannah’s Big Secret, and the picture goes into Disney-farce overdrive.
I think “Hannah Montana: The Movie” had a director and a writer. I’ll just let them cash their checks in peace, but if they get in involved in any sequels, I’m ratting them out.