I’d say “Frat Party” is one of the worst movies you’ll ever see, but I hope this review dissuades you from ever laying eyes on it. The T&A flick is so uncreative, so painful, I’m hoping its logical target — fraternity brothers — even despises it.
Not a single laugh is to be found here. Randy Wayne (“The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning”) stars as Duffy, a girl-haired, self-absorbed senior who talks to the camera to tell us his entire collegiate career has been spent as banging as many chicks as humanly possible, and yet trying to find his one true love. The only way this so-called “Party” could have a more repellent protagonist is if he kicked a puppy.
He’s found his special someone (Caroline D’Amore, “Sorority Row”) — so special, they’re about to get hitched. But, T&A comedies being T&A comedies, not until the Most Awesome Party, Bro happens first. In said celebration, the requisite fat sidekick (Jareb Duplaise, “Drillbit Taylor”) ejaculates all over an Asian masseuse in a moment so tasteless, it’d make Thomas Edison wish he’d never invented the kinetoscope.
Duffy gets his own chance for sexin’ as he’s tempted by porn star Jesse Jane, playing herself, in the temptress role that Shannon Tweed would be playing, were this the 1980s. The characters hit it off when find out they’re both from Oklahoma. This is an in-joke because Wayne and Jane actually are, hailing from Moore. Hey, I didn’t say it was a funny in-joke.
Bonus features include a featurette on the aforementioned “happy ending” scene and a montage of the movie’s naked breasts, but now in slow-motion. Thirteen-year-olds the country over would thank writer/director Robert Bennett, but they’re better off checking off Tweed’s filmography than this piece of lowest-common-denominator trash. —Rod Lott