Dinoshark

That’s all the setup given by the Roger Corman production, and really all a Syfy-weaned audience asks of it. Before we proceed, allow me to explain the complex concept: Dinoshark is half-dinosaur, half-shark. Please re-read that as many as needed for your mind to grasp. 

The glorious, sun-soaked Puerto Vallarta is the site of many of a dinoshark sighting — and nearly as many human meals. This threatens to spoil the resort’s upcoming, all-girl water polo match. For we, the viewers, it damn well better!

Leading the charge against Dinoshark is hunky, blue-collar bad-ass Trace McGraw (Eric Balfour, TV’s “Haven”), he of the sunglasses, deep tan and wardrobe of wife-beaters. Joining him is the requisite hot female scientist, Carole Brubaker, played by the Croatian-born Iva Hasperger, who I’m dubbing the Fabiana Udenio of the ’10s, which I mean as a total compliment.

The knowingly cheesy “Dinoshark” plays just like its knowingly cheesy “Sharktopus” predecessor, as if the script were written with a “Mad Libs”-esque template, where each entry under “impossible mutant aquatic creature” that previously read “Sharktopus” now reads “Dinoshark.”

Even Corman returns in front of the camera, but not in a silent cameo. He gets a bona fide supporting role, and he’s good, quite convincing as a man who kindly asks a mariachi band to please keep the volume down. 

Some wonderfully goofy dialogue includes such smile-provoking gems as “Sharks don’t have horns! And Alaska? That’s a long way!,” “That’s not a dolphin. That’s a shark. Now row!” and the Schwarzenegger-ready “Welcome to the endangered species list, you bastard.” In keeping with every sea-terror flick since 1975, the music score pays tribute to — er, rips off — “Jaws.”

Director Kevin O’Neill also helmed Corman’s ahead-of-its-time “Dinocroc” in 2004, so he obviously has the skills for successfully bringing nonexistent prehistoric monsters to corners-cutting CGI life on the screen. My entranced 6-year-old wouldn’t agree, but I can’t say “Dinoshark” delivered quite as much big, dumb fun as “Sharktopus”; however, “Sharktopus” lacks this film’s climactic “leap from a moving Jet Ski and hurl a grenade into the monster’s mouth” showdown. We’ve screencapped it for you, but the real deal is something to see. —Rod Lott

Rod Lott

This material falls under the archives category because it was imported from our previous website. It will eventually be filtered into the proper category as time allows.

Related posts

*

*

Top
WordPress Lightbox