This means he has to:
• Spout supposedly dramatic and/or serious lines like “Eggs? They weren’t eggs, you son of a bitch. They were my family!”
• Convince his estranged sister-in-law (Jennifer Kincer, “Trust”) to let him take her and her punky, rebellious daughter (Shannon Zeller, “Seraphim Falls”) to the county fair.
• Eventually fight the flesh-eating creatures that killed his family, yet are not frightened by 2-by-4s and appear to be background dancers from Julie Taymor’s Broadway run of “The Lion King.”
On the bright side, he doesn’t have to:
• Call someone “ya little pickle-smoocher!”
• Shoulder the blame for this terrible “horror” film.
That dishonor goes to one Tommy Brunswick (“Mr. Jingles”? “They Must Eat”? Anyone?). Instead of taking the standard “a Tommy Brunswick film” credit, she opts for “a Tommy Brunswick flick.” Instead of having an “editor,” the movie has a “cutter.” For something taking great pains to appear so hip and with-it in the closing credits, “Born of Earth” is rather conventional in everything before them. —Rod Lott