Needless to say, the culprit wasn’t Santa Claus, either. OKC police said Jamison Ives Marchette left the bawdy bags for the women, one of whom later picked the man out of a lineup.
According to police, one of the recipients found the accused masturbating outside her home. Ding-dong!
If the gift-giver was Marchette, one has to wonder if he was just celebrating the spirit of May having been National Masturbation Month.
In any case, we recommend using caution if you come across a lump in your stocking. It might not be coal.