We’re talking about breasts of chicken, of course.
From the because-the-Chick-fil-A-controversy-wasn’t-stupid-enough-already file, Kern issued a statement July 27 asking Oklahomans (even the gay ones, we guess?) to eat at the restaurant chain during Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day on Wednesday.
Just a week prior, Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy responded that his company was “guilty as charged” in supporting the “traditional family” model — a popular euphemism for “no homo,” and that those who supported same-sex marriage were inviting God’s judgment on the country.
“We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit,” Cathy said, probably not referring to men having several wives and concubines, stoning to death unruly children and, like Lot and his daughters, getting in some drunken, incestuous three-way action.
As expected, the comments caused wailing and rending of clothes by liberals and the LBGT community, with city governments in Chicago, Philadelphia and Boston deciding that the First Amendment only applies to polite speech they agree with and urging Chick-fil-A to get the hell outta town.
Anyway, the usual actors who chase controversy came out of the woodwork. On the national level, that included GOP vice-presidential wannabe Sarah Palin and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee.
Closer to home, that has meant Kern, known for such previous hits as “Gay Love Is as Dangerous as Terrorists,” “Blacks Don’t Study Hard Enough” and “Wimmin Don’t Work as Hard as the Mens,” issued a news release in support of the company, stating that the 2004 state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage is proof that Oklahomans hate the dirty gay sex.
“Chick fil-A is a company that has incorporated traditional values into its business model, the same values that a large majority of Oklahomans adhere to,” Kern said. “This is a company that respects its employees and customers and creates jobs for young people. The hate and intolerance they have been subjected to in the past week is astonishing and I encourage Oklahomans to rally behind this company and show our support.”
We’ll be waiting for Kern to urge everyone to have gay sex in support of the LGBT community to make up for the rest of the “hate and intolerance they have been subjected to,” as soon as Chicken-Fried News recovers from the irony-induced aneurism triggered by those words tumbling out of her mouth.