Card sharks

Credit: Brad Gregg

In other words, no namby-pamby e-cards. Although we understand that those, too, can get you crazy laid.

True! According to a survey by SOASTA — a cloud and mobile testing firm not to be confused with Shasta, which makes an awesome grapefruit soda — more than one-third of Americans will send an e-card for V-Day … and an equal percentage expect something in return, whether that be a simple, “Hey, thanks,” (35 percent), dinner (10 percent) or sex (also 10 percent).

For reals? Can you imagine?

“I paid nothing for this, chose a design on the first page because I didn’t want to waste time clicking, and I typed in your email address that probably put you on a pharmaspam list for life. You owe me. Now let’s get to fornicatin’.”

Other survey findings: —Men between the ages of 35 and 44 like e-cards the most. (CFN guesses this is so because men are cheap, lazy, not romantic and easily amused.)

—When it comes to NSFW content in e-cards, 6 percent are all like, “Ooh, yeah!” —Some 25 percent don’t want to see unicorns in an e-card, a mere percentage point higher than another unwanted visual: the sender’s kids.

Happy Valentine’s Day, cheapskates!

Gazette staff

This material falls under the archives category because it was imported from our previous website. It will eventually be filtered into the proper category as time allows.

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