Unhung Hero

That poor schmo left kneeling awkwardly is Patrick Moote, a Los Angeles actor/comedian who later found out that his girlfriend wouldn’t accept his marriage proposal for one teeny-tiny reason: his penis. As in, it’s too small. 

Until her admission, Moote wasn’t aware of his deficiency, so he instantly joined one of the 2 billion men worldwide who feel inadequate about phallus size. Only Moote, however, had the — ahem — balls to make a movie about it: the “cockumentary” Unhung Hero

To answer your burning question: No, you don’t get to see it. And, as a public service message to our male readers: You’re better off not watching this with a wife or girlfriend. 

Following the Morgan Spurlock playbook, Moote embarks on a first-person tour of the world to find out if size truly matters. He consults ex-girlfriends, a urologist, a penis pump doctor, porn stars, a sexologist, Annie Sprinkle, a condom manufacturer, an anthropologist, a tribal witch doctor, a sex columnist and so on. His globetrotting mission has him doing everything from taking shots of turtle testicle liquor to lifting weights with his junk. The climax, so to speak, hinges on whether he’ll allow a complete stranger to inject some godforsaken liquid directly into his manhood via a very long, very sharp needle. 

“Enlightening” is not the correct word to describe what viewers will get from Unhung Hero. Directed by Troma vet Brian Spitz (Tales from the Crapper), the film breezes along with an amusing, la-di-dah attitude for most of its running time, which makes the late-in-the-game gravitas feel forced and out-of-place. I’m not convinced that pieces throughout weren’t faked for the narrative’s sake. 

But the super-brave Moote makes for an ingratiating host. You can’t help but like him; ergo, you can’t help but like his pic, shortcomings and all.   —Rod Lott

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Rod Lott

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