That’s the kind of crazy thinking that fuels Nurse 3D, a bizarro, purposely trashy piece of horror pulp that deserves to find the demented audience for which it was made. If it doesn’t through Lionsgate’s Blu-ray release (containing the flick in both two and three dimensions) … well, blame Obamacare.
At All Saints Memorial Hospital, Abigail (Paz de la Huerta, Enter the Void) is top among the nursing staff and prone to say ironic lines like “My schedule’s been murder” without a hint of irony. As she mentors newly graduated Danni (Katrina Bowden, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil), she also takes a shine to her. Danni rebuffs her, not knowing of what Abigail is capable.
Ms. de la Huerta is barely capable when speaking, but it’s almost as if director Douglas Aarniokoski (The Day) wanted that. Abigail is a vampish cartoon who doesn’t so much walk as she slithers. The actress is certainly not shy of displaying her body, which is often, yet seems uncomfortable with expressing anything else but the nude form. Her line readings make monotone seem like a song by comparison.
However, none of that really matters in a movie like Nurse 3D. This is a modern-day exploitation film with first-rate production values. It looks slick and operates even slicker, and the gorier it got, the more of a ball this viewer had. It’s Single White Female with a complete disregard of the Hippocratic Oath. Nurse, your cult awaits! —Rod Lott
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