Chicken-Fried News collectively holds a highly tolerant, inclusionary world view, a governing philosophy holding that everyone should be who they are and are entitled to the Lockean/Jeffersonian ideal of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But the CFN hive mind also holds as a truism that there are many fish in the sea besides your mom.
According to NewsOK.com, in March 2016, Duncan resident Misty Velvet Dawn Spann, whose name sounds like a great lost Lee Hazlewood song, married her mother Patricia Ann Spann, whose name just sounds like a name. The younger Spann was charged with incest in September 2016 after Oklahoma Department of Human Services learned of the sacred union. Charges against the mother are still pending but are just as embarrassing. When the Spanns were booked, both were wearing shirts emblazoned with the Superman logo, though the Daily Planet editorial page has yet to weigh in.
The mother informed DHS that she had lost Misty Velvet Dawn [MVD] and two sons in a custody dispute several years ago, and when they were reunited in 2014, they just “hit it off,” and CFN will never be able to type that phrase again without thinking about this story. MVD pled guilty to incest on Nov. 7 and was sentenced to 10 years probation, court-mandated counseling, a $1,000 assessment, a $991 fee and court costs, which definitely puts a dent in the dowry.
A few years ago, CFN celebrated like so many Oklahomans the legalization of same-sex marriage and have seen many friends and family find great happiness in lifelong commitments. But like so many things that Oklahomans do to make national news, this story manages to take one of the 21st century’s greatest advances in civil rights and soundtrack it with “Dueling Banjos.”