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Sharktopus


Your intelligence will be neither insulted nor triggered.

Rod Lott March 9th, 2011

Rave all you want about Julia Roberts: superstar, Oscar winner, self-appointed god. It's her brother, Eric, who has the more interesting career.

sharktopus

The latest example can be summed up in one word, and that word is "Sharktopus." You may have already seen it on Syfy, but Blu-ray restores it to the pristine splendor for which it was intended.

Yes, I'm kidding (but not about the Roberts sibs). "Sharktopus" is a CGI quickie from producer Roger Corman, who used to pull off this kind of mutated-creature feature with panache in the late '70s and early '80s; think "Piranha." This continues those efforts' streaks of knowing parody, but this is too knowing; not only does it wink, it nudges. There's even a wordless cameo from Corman, a notorious skinflint, who kisses a coin he picks up on a sandy beach in Mexico!

Those beaches turn rojo when the titular aquatic monster escapes the lab in which scientist Nathan Sands (Roberts) created it, swimming toward resort central. Called "S-11," the creature is half-shark, half-octopus — a sharktopus, one might say (and by "one," I mean the newscaster who broadcasts that very forehead-to-the-palm definition).

Its tentacles allow it to walk like a "War of the Worlds" tripod, and its teeth allow it to decapitate and otherwise eviscerate humans with ease, like a sword through Jell-O. Attempting to put a stop to ol’ ’pus are Sands' daughter (Sara Malakul Lane) and her himbo romantic interest (Kerem Bursin), who wields automatic weapons and is incapable of buttoning a shirt. The movie is stolen, however, by Liv Boughn's TV reporter; she looks kinda like Flo from the Progressive commercials, but in beachwear.

I needn't tell you "Sharktopus" is a bad movie; you know that already, even if you're just now hearing the title for the first time. The special effects are laughable; the acting, even worse. But its couch-with-a-beer appeal is undeniable. Your intelligence will be neither insulted nor triggered. —Rod Lott


 
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