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Real Astrology
 

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)


Real Astrology


I got a spam email containing supposed words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama. "We spend more, but have less," it said. "We have more conveniences, but less time; more experts, yet more problems." It wen...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)


Real Astrology


Every one of us in engaged in some ongoing battle with ourselves. Maybe there's a conflict between our heart and head. Maybe we're trying to stop expressing some behavior that we know is self-destruct...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)


Real Astrology


This would be an excellent time for you to take inventory of what brings you pleasure. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you're due for an update and upgrade. Some of your tried-and-t...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)


Real Astrology


I'm wearing a replica of an ancient Egyptian atef, a white crown surmounted by two ostrich feathers. My white cashmere robe, decorated with Qabalistic sigils, was sewn for me by a Wiccan priestess. My...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)


Real Astrology


There may be times in the coming week when you will in a sense be dreaming while standing up. On other occasions, you may be hard at work while lying down. In fact, I suspect that the law of reversals...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)


Real Astrology


A life-long dream of mine came true recently, and I didn't even know it was a life-long dream until it happened. It struck unexpectedly on a Tuesday afternoon. My daughter called on the phone from her...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)


Real Astrology


It would be smart for you to whet your appetite, but please don't go too far and spoil your appetite. Imagine and plan for the feast to come; make sure the evolution of the feast is on track; but don'...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

ARIES (March 21-April 19)


Real Astrology


It would be a good week for you to perfect your ability to crow like a rooster, Aries. I also recommend that you practice your skill at leaping out of bed in the morning fully refreshed, with your ima...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):


Real Astrology


Your key word for the week is "fulcrum." It's derived from a Latin verb meaning "to prop up, support," and its definitions include the following: 1. the stable point on which a lever pivots; 2. the cr...
 
Thursday, April 8, 2010

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)


Real Astrology


You'll probably dream of falling off a cliff, or plunging out of a hot-air balloon, or skydiving without a parachute. I'm very disappointed in your unconscious mind's decision to expose yourself to su...
 
Thursday, April 1, 2010

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)


Real Astrology


I sincerely hope that 2010 will be the year you stop worshiping Satan for good. Luckily, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to get that worthy project in gear. Despite the odd pleasures your t...
 
Thursday, April 1, 2010

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)


Real Astrology


According to Uncyclopedia.com, Riding the Snake is a book co-authored by Oscar Wilde and Jesus Christ in 1429 B.C. If you can find a copy, I strongly suggest you read it. You could really use some hel...
 
Thursday, April 1, 2010

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)


Real Astrology


It's an excellent time to demonstrate how strong and brave and indomitable you are. I suggest you carry out some heroic feat, like lying on a bed of nails while someone puts heavy concrete blocks all ...
 
Thursday, April 1, 2010

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)


Real Astrology


As I studied your astrological data, a curious vision popped into my mind's eye. I saw a scene of a perky possum in a superhero costume giving you a tray of red jello covered with marshmallows, gumdro...
 
Thursday, April 1, 2010

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)


Real Astrology


On the Ghost Hunters TV program, paranormal researchers investigate places that are thought to be haunted by supernatural entities. One commercial for the show urges us, the viewers, to "Get fluent in...
 
Thursday, April 1, 2010
 
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